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"Why do you hate Thomas Edison?"

   Hmmm….this may take awhile…so strap in, kiddies.

   Let me begin by saying: Thomas Edison was the king of the douches! Fuck him and anyone who says he’s anything other than a lying, thieving, greedy pile of shit! Oh…that’s you? Well….Fuck you!

   I know what a lot of you are thinking: But without Edison, we wouldn’t have radios, generators, radar, or movie projectors. I completely disagree. He didn’t invent any of those things. HE STOLE THEM!

   So…if not Edison, then who did invent those things? Well, let’s start with movie projectors (we’ll get back to radios, generators, and radar, later).

   Movie projectors have actually been credited to several different people. For the purposes of showing Edison’s fucktastic thievery, though…we’ll simply talk about William Friese-Greene. In 1890, Friese-Greene made the mistake of trying to join Edison’s “think tank” (read: inventing sweat shop), by sending Edison his research on moving pictures. He believed that his research was protected by patents…he was wrong. Edison took his research and gave it to W. K. L. Dickson, who worked for Edison. Now…this might seem bad enough, but Edison took his dickishness to a whole other level. He hired thugs to destroy equipment and beat up operators of movie cameras who didn’t pay him for the use of his patent. Ok…I understand that he should have been paid for the use of something he invented….but he didn’t invent it. So, he can steal an entire idea, but God forbid anyone use it without paying him…WTF?

   Now Friese-Greene got screwed, but he had it easy compared to the man who invented all of the other three inventions I mentioned earlier. That’s right…radios, generators, and radar were all invented by one man…but not Edison.

   This man:

That’s just his reading lamp.

   Nikola Tesla was a real genius. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of working for Thomas “Steal Your Shit and Claim I Created It” Edison. In 1884, Tesla told Edison that he could improve his electricity technology and save him a shit-ton. Edison offered to give Tesla $50,000 (That is the 1884 figure, which would pay off the U.S. deficit today.) if he could do it. Being the electrical genius that he was, Tesla did exactly as he promised. Edison’s response when Tesla requested the promised payment: “You don’t understand American humor.” Are you kidding me?!? (I probably could have just put that at the beginning of this post and saved us all a lot of time, but that’s not the only way Edison fucked Tesla.)

   After removing Edison from his ass, (metaphorically) Tesla went to work for George Westinghouse, Edison’s biggest rival. With Westinghouse’s financial backing, Tesla battled Edison’s inferior DC current with  his AC current delivery system, in what has been referred to as “The Battle of Currents” and “The War of Currents”.

   Edison had a lot riding on his success in this “war”, so he did the only thing he could: slandered his opponents. Actually, he couldn’t even do that correctly, so he hired other people to do it….luckily for him you don’t have to be a genius to be able to pay others to make you look like one. He even went as far as to electrocute animals to prove how dangerous AC power was. Like this: Edison is a sick bastard!

   Eventually, Westinghouse “won”, when the power of AC was demonstrated to the world, at the International Electro-Technical Exhibition - 1891, in Frankfurt Germany. Now, even your house is run on AC…but not like Tesla had imagined.

   He had designed a distribution system that would have made electricity readily available for free. It simply required a wireless antenna-like device in everyone’s yard. (Which is much better sounding than the ridiculous amount of power lines we currently have.) But, the government had Edison in their ear, talking $$$….which, as always, worked.

   Ok…so I got a little off-topic concerning the inventions I mentioned, but I think I have sufficiently explained the whoremazing behavior of one of America’s great assholes.

   I’ll just say, concerning radar: Tesla invented a very early version during WWI, but it wasn’t very powerful. He moved on to other inventions when the U.S. government told him that it would never be a viable technology.

   And radio: This is another piece of technology that involved many people. Tesla had a major part in it’s development to the technology we know today, but Edison isn’t even on the list. So why do so many people give him credit for it? I have no idea…but he probably managed to get his name on a patent somewhere along the line. Fucking ass hat….

   So…next time someone tells you that Edison was a genius who invented all kinds of cool shit…kick them in their man/lady parts. Then tell them what a thieving prick he was. Or…build yourself a Tesla coil so that you can fry their stupid asses!

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